Funny Definitions

Source: http://www.businessdictionary.com/funnydefinitions.php

Our premier glossaries, InvestorWords.com and BusinessDictionary.com, have received high acclaim for providing the most clear, concise, and comprehensive financial and business terms and definitions online. We realize, however, that many of these definitions still have room for "interpretation".
Take a look below at the amusing takes we found for a number of popular business terms, or visit our sister site InvestorWords.com to see some funny investing definitions!

ability

The virtue you are forced to use if your boss has no daughter.

adminisphere

The levels of management where big, impractical, and counterproductive decisions are made.

advertising

The art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need. (Will Rogers)

all new

Not compatible with earlier versions.

ambiguity

The lack of clarity in speech, or something like that.

applicating

The act of submitting applications.

argument

An exchange of words between people with diametrically opposed views, all of whom know that they are right. (Kevin Boddington)

blamestorming

A method of collectively finding one to blame for a mistake no one is willing to confess to. Often occurs in the form of a meeting of colleagues at work, gathered to decide who is to blame for a problem.

boss

Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

cell phone

An electronic device for one-to-one communication and one-to-many irritation. (Chris Simmons)

circular reasoning

See reasoning, circular.

civil servant

Someone who isn’t civil and doesn’t serve.

class action

A stylish deed.

clicklexia

A disorder often suffered by novice computer users in which they have a tendency to double-click on items which only require one click, often resulting in two items opening instead of just one.

clone

1. An exact duplicate; "Our product is a clone of their product." 2. A shoddy, spurious copy; "Their product is a clone of our product."

committee

An entity that keeps minutes and loses hours.

comprehension

Something that one has to get in order to get it. (Dave Peters)

compromise

The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

computer expert

Someone who has not read the instructions, but who will nevertheless feel qualified to install a program and, when it does not function correctly, pronounce it incompatible with the operating system. (Priscilla Mann)

computer

An electronic time-saving device that is commonly used for time-wasting activities. (Warwick Annear)

cooperate

Used of oneself, to enter into a constructive collaboration with another person. Used of someone else, to do exactly as one is told. (Gordon Burnside)

corporation

An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. (Ambrose Bierce)

design

What you later regret not doing.

dictionary

The only place where success comes before work.

DIY

Damage-It-Yourself. (Mike Allen)

egosurfing

Typing your own name into google to see who’s talking about you.

experience

1. The ability to repeat one's mistakes with ever-increasing confidence. (Patrick Hoyte) 2. What you get when you don't get what you want.

FAQ

Frequently Avoided Questions. A company's attempt to answer commonly asked questions such as, "How do I get technical support?" (Guy Kawasaki)

feature

A hardware limitation, as described by a marketing representative.

flow chart

A graphic representation of a bowl of spaghetti.

freelance

To collect unemployment.

hardware

The parts of a computer which can be kicked.

inbox

A catch basin for everything you don't want to deal with, but are afraid to throw away.

initiative

Deliberately disobeying a destructive order from your manager and being right in the long run.

innumeracy

An ineptitude for mathematics which results in the fear of all sums. (Simon Stacey)

instruction manual

An explanation of how to use something written in a way that is easily understood only by the author. (Phil Smith)

jury

Twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer. (Robert Frost)

life insurance

term (coined by the greatest marketer of all time) for a plan that keeps you poor all your life so you can die rich

management consultant

Someone who tells you how to do improve doing something that he or she can't do at all. (Shankar Sivanandan)

management

The art of getting other people to do the work.

marketing

The art of selling a product that doesn't cost much to produce in such a way that people will take out a small loan to own it. (Jo Buckingham)

meeting

An assembly of people coming together to decide what person or department not represented in the room must solve a problem.

mouse

An input device designed to make computer errors easier to generate.

multislacking

Doing two or more useless activities simultaneously instead of working.

negotiate

To seek a meeting of the minds without the knocking together of heads.

outsourcery

The belief that all business problems can magically be solved by outsourcing.

password

Series of letters and numbers written on a post-it note and stuck on a monitor.

phonesia

The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer. (Rich Hall)

recursive

See recursive.

résumé

The closest many of us will ever come to perfection.

search engine

A program that enables computer users to locate information and advertisers to locate computer users. (Damien Whinnery)

self-employed

Jobless.

state of the art

Anything that you can’t afford.

strategy

A long-range plan whose merit cannot be evaluated until sometime after those creating it have left the organization.

tact

The art of getting your point across without stabbing someone with it.

telecrastination

The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.

television

A commercial delivery system.

timefoolery

Setting the alarm clock ahead of the real time in order to fool yourself into thinking you are not getting up so early. (Rich Hall)

unemployment office

A career placement service for humanities majors.

unfair competition

Selling more cheaply than we do.

Windows

The times between when companies innovate and when Microsoft incorporates. (Guy Kawasaki)

wisdom

Knowing what to do with what you know.

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